Matters of the heart.

she wears her heart on her sleeve

Last night at dinner, we remembered that today was Ruby's 100th day of school. She was supposed to take 100 items to school. So she counted out some buttons from my big ol' box of random buttons. As we were brainstorming, we thought about cutting out a hundred paper hearts.

So that got me thinking, and naturally my mind went to fabric and applique (surprise, surprise). I  said "what if we put one hundred hearts on a shirt?!" Ruby was excited about that idea. Luckily she had a few plain shirts in her drawer, so she ran and picked one out. Then I let her dig through my fabric and pick out all her favorites while I got to tracing all the little hearts.



We did a few large hearts, but most of them were the smaller ones, about 1" and 2" (patterns cut out from a cereal box). I used no-sew Heat-n-Bond Ultra Hold. There was no way I'd have the time (or sanity) to sew around one hundred little hearts! But we can still wash the shirt. I've used the no-sew Heat-n-bond before and it works great. The process is basically what I show in my polka dot shirt tutorial. 

We only got a few hearts cut out before it was bedtime for Ruby. She knew I'd stay up to finish it, though. She is used to my crazy crafting ways. I am used to cutting a lot of appliques, though, so it went pretty quickly. There are no fabric repeats in the shirt!

When I started ironing the hearts on the shirt, it was looking pretty crazy. I thought, oh no what have I done?! But you can't just stop with 50 or 60 hearts when it's for the 100th day of school! So I pressed forward, unsure of how it would turn out. When I finished the shirt at 2 am, I snapped a picture and just prayed that Ruby would actually want to wear it to school. I'll admit I was pretty out of it this morning when she got up and got ready for school (thank goodness for dad who got them out the door since I stayed up too late making the shirt). She came to my bed and tapped me on the shoulder and said "thanks for the cute shirt, mom!" I gave her a groggy kiss and she was on her way. 

 heart vomit!

I think part of me wanted to make the heart shirt for her because she was so excited about it. And I know deep in my heart that she won't always want to wear the silly things I make. She's still young and innocent. And oblivious to what's "in style." I asked her if she told her friends why there were a hundred hearts on her shirt and she casually said, "nah."  Looked at me like, why would I, mom? She said only her teacher asked about it. Which is fine, of course. I just love that she didn't care if anyone commented or asked about it.

When I posted these photos on facebook last night, I had several friends comment things like "mom of the year!" or "you make the rest of us look bad" or "you're the best mom!" and it really got me thinking. 

For one thing,  I don't want anyone thinking that I'm doing it to show off, or solicit such comments. And more importantly, it makes me think, "does this really make me a good mom?" No. In fact, I often worry that I'm not doing enough. I know all mothers do. We are hardest on ourselves, right? I think I would be a better mom if I spent less time sewing and more time reading to my kids or playing with them. I need to be more patient and yell less. 

I am constantly trying to foresee what my kids will remember when they look back on their childhood. Will they remember a yelling mom? Or a mom who was always stressed? Or was I always sitting at the sewing machine? (That's a tough one because much of the sewing I do is just to bring in some money to keep our family afloat). Will they appreciate the time I spent sewing them things, or will they just wish I had played more with them? Do I listen to them enough? Do I tell them I love them enough? Do I feed them enough? Do I teach them enough? Do I hug them/kiss them/hold them/look at them enough? These are the thoughts running through my head all the time. Its easy to feel I'm not doing enough.

Do all moms (parents) wonder if their crappy parenting might ruin their kids? Do you get to the end of some days and wonder if you got anything right? (please bless that they remember the laughter and not the yelling) I feel so clueless sometimes and wonder how it will all turn out. How my kids will turn out. 

Much like the crazy 100-heart shirt I made for Ruby.
Once I started, there was no turning back. I'll admit, it looked pretty messy and I didn't even like it as it was coming together. I was sorta worried  that it would look ridiculous. Even when I finished, it still looked pretty crazy. But in the end, Ruby loved it and that was all that mattered. Heaven knows there are many days where I wonder, "how in the world am I the mom? I have no idea what I'm doing." But these kids are definitely non-returnable. I've looked into it. Just kidding. 
maybe. 

But we all just press forward, doing the best we can for our kids. Not because anyone is trying to be "the best" or "mom of the year", but because we all feel the same deep and overwhelming love for our kids.  And in the end, even when we look back on our messy life with all the crazy stuff in there, we will love it. And we will see, just like the hearts smashed on the shirt, everything came together just fine. 

It all makes me think of this quote I heard once:

  image source

Oh how true. Now my heart is split into four pieces, beating outside my body. Am I mom of the year? Or super mom? Nah. Am I doing my best? I hope so.

Sometimes.

Sometimes when you're cooking dinner at 6pm and feeling a little grouchy,  

you might snap at the kids who are all talking at once and bouncing off the walls.

One is supposed to be putting on pajamas, another is trying to finish some math homework, and the 2-year-old is showing you how he has finally learned to open the fridge by himself (dangit)

And they are all starting to watch Brave (which you so kindly got for them from Redbox while they were at school). 

Sometimes your husband will come downstairs (after hearing you yell at the kids) and say 

"get out of here. Just leave. Go to Joanns or whatever - go."

 And when you can tell he isn't kidding, 

you hurry and feed the nursing baby, 

grab your coupons and go. 

 Sometimes all you really need is to sit in the car and eat a burrito...

(funny since that's what you were cooking for your family),
  listen to Brooke White's Christmas CD,

and play a little Words with Friends on your phone.  

You're feeling a little better already.  

Stopping by a few fabric stores doesn't hurt, either. 

Sometimes you have four 50% coupons and even a $5 off $25 that you can use all in one transaction at JoAnns. 

You're feeling pretty proud of the deals, and then you open your wallet and find a $20 gift card that you'd forgotten about!  

Because you have an amazingly sweet cousin who randomly sent it to you. 

Sometimes you come home, look at your sweet kids asleep in their beds and feel a little  (a lot) guilty for yelling at them earlier.  

They were just being kids. They are good kids. They get tired at the end of a long day, too.

Your babies are growing fast, and you will miss those cute faces someday. And even these hard/tiring days.

 You promise yourself that you'll do better tomorrow and you are glad you get a fresh start in the morning. 

 

Really, Subway? And a few other things.

1. I just saw a commercial about Subway's offer for $2 subs. It caught my attention! Sweet, I thought. Maybe I'll do something other than my Large Diet Coke With Extra Ice and Cheeseburger Plain at McDonald's next time I am out-n-about. Nope - the offer is only for meatball or coldcut combo. Gag!
Nice try, Subway. I can get a drink AND burger for two bucks across the street. Don't judge, people. It's all I got.

Speaking of McDonald's, I loved the little shout-out Brooke gave me in this blog post the other day (see #2).

2. Help!

I cannot find these pretzels anywhere now.

I posted about them in instagram and facebook a few weeks ago and urged people to run out and try them. Now I'm regretting that because it seems they are nowhere to be found. I bought this one (small!!) bag at Walmart and they are long gone. I have gone to two Costcos and several Walmarts and other grocery stores. None. Please, if you are local (or not!), tell me if you see these anywhere. They are heavenly and I must have more of them.

3. I've been thinking about this one for awhile now.

Is the cursive G the worst letter to write or what? I guess the capital cursive D is worse, and maybe the cursive Q, but I hope Greta doesn't hate us when she's signing her name for the rest of her life. I don't (can't!) use the cursive capital S when I sign my name, so maybe she won't mind. And who knows, maybe kids these days won't even have to sign their name on things the way we do. It will all be fingerprints and eye scans by the time she's grown, right? *wink*

4. If at all possible, I coordinate my kids for church. I have to do it while I can. I fear the days are numbered. This was a few weeks ago.Max's shirt has small red pin stripes in it, don't worry. Again, I don't know how to use my camera. Photo too small.

5. My hilarious friend Lauren has started a new blog and her first post is awesome. And oddly enough, it involves McDonald's as well. Wow, that's 3 mentions of Mcdonald's in one post. Just check out Lauren's blog here: Momthentic.  And I will claim a little credit for the legos in the header. Sorta like the buttons here on my SewSara header!

And last but not least, thanks to those who commented on my last post! It definitely encourages me to keep blogging. Glad to know there are people "out there."

6. It's December 5th and I still haven't wrapped any Christmas books. Maybe we'll do 12 days this year instead? 

And with that, I hear a baby crying! G'night.

Cyber Monday

I have got to keep this blog alive. Does anyone else feel like Facebook and Instagram (or other social media outlets) are killing blogs? I still read blogs, but I am awful at commenting.

Even now, I sat down with the laptop to finally make a blog post, and I started to get distracted with Cyber Monday deals/emails and facebook posts. Ahh! I mostly just want to ramble and get some random thoughts out, so let's start right here on this topic - Cyber Monday. I am not a Black Friday shopper, nor am I a Cyber Monday shopper. But still, I feel anxiety over the deals I'm not getting. Am I missing something huge? Are there $10 lego sets getting snatched up? Or will all the cute Christmas pjs be gone? I haven't even started shopping or preparing for Christmas. But I have been working on lots of custom sewing orders, and trying to stash that money aside for Christmas gifts. If things are ever too quiet here (and my etsy shop looks sorta empty), just check my Facebook page. I have been posting photos of some custom orders before I ship them out.

I have no clue what to get my kids. If we walk the aisles of Target, they'll point to a hundred things they like/love/want/beg for, but it's all just more STUFF. I don't want to buy them things just because I'm in a time crunch. And I can only sew them so many quilts or pajamas or bath robes. Plus now I have four kids to buy/sew for and, whew, that is expensive and time-consuming no matter how you look at it.

Simon and Greta are easy. They are little enough and don't need much and will be happy with anything. Max and Ruby are getting to tricky ages. They are wanting electronics and I feel like they spend enough time on the computer and playing phone games or watching TV as it is! And I refuse to get a Wii or other gaming system. I want to give them things like sleeping bags and flashlights, but how exciting is it to play with a flashlight on Christmas day? Ruby is only in Kindergarten and she's already telling me she's done with "baby dolls and princessy stuff." She wants books and a purse and "big girl" stuff. Anyway. Please share if you have any gift ideas. What are you excited to give your kids/nieces/nephews/etc?



It's late and my eyes are glazing over. I had to feed Greta twice while writing this post. No wonder it doesn't happen too often anymore. She is 8 months old and still wakes 2-3times/night. That's ok, though. She is growing so fast and I love her like crazy. I love them all like crazy:

I'm hoping people are still reading. But maybe you're reading from your phone, with one hand, while nursing a baby, stirring the mac-n-cheese, or waiting in the pick-up lane at school. I'm right there with ya.

Maybe just drop a line on this post if you are still reading?

Time for Mothers

The funny thing about Mother's Day, it's like having a second birthday that you share with your friends and about half the world's population. And we all know, when you become a mother, it really is like a new life. A new identity! So, I suppose it is a "birth day" of sorts. I don't mind sharing this day. In fact, that's what makes it so fun. I love wishing everyone Happy Mother's Day and hearing what everyone does to celebrate and honor the mothers in their life. It's fun to hear what gifts or cards or food everyone enjoys. In talking with my friends yesterday, the main thing we all hoped for was time (in some form or another). Time to sleep in, time to shower in peace, time to not cook or clean, time alone, or time with the family. That reminds me of something I wrote down a few weeks ago while watching Medium. Bear with me... I know this is getting away from my original Mother's Day train of thought. Does anyone else love Medium & Allison Dubois (Patricia Arquette)? At the end of a recent episode, Allison said:
Time is priceless, yet it costs us nothing.
You can do anything you want with it, but you can't own it.
You can spend it, but you can't keep it.
And once you've lost it, there's no getting it back."

Deep, right? I mean, for primetime television anyway. Megan is probably laughing at me now. I made her save the episode on her DVR so I could write that down. :)
But, really, it's amazing how TIME in and of itself is so priceless. I wish I could have spent time with my own mother today. Or my sweet Grandma who passed away one year ago (yesterday).

I enjoyed Mother's Day to the fullest (I may or may not be indulging in some naughty chocolate cake). David got up with the kids and let me sleep until 11 (I'm no lightweight when it comes to sleep. I'm not one that can say "I slept in til 8:15!" That's not "sleeping in" in my book) and they made me a card and brought me breakfast in bed (which the kids sat and helped me eat). Church was nice and I was so tickled to see Max sing with all the primary kids for the first time. I use the term 'sing' lightly since he really just stood there and smiled. It was funny - heaven knows he's not shy about performing. I also got some time to work on my quilt (see post & poll below) this afternoon while David and the kids napped. Gee, I wonder why I wasn't tired? And I discovered this sweet blog post from Mr. SewSara himself. *blush*

{I sure love being a mother to these two darlings.
Why do they have to grow so quickly?}

Happy Mother's day to all my dear friends!

What did you do to celebrate?

My sweet mama

Mother's Day 2006 with Grandma & Mom

I posted this video for Mom's birthday last year, but it seems even more appropriate for Mother's Day. I just had to post it again. I hadn't watched it in a long time and I just sobbed tonight when I watched it again. I have such a beautiful, compassionate, sweet and loving mother. She really is an angel. I'm so lucky to consider her a friend, too. As cliche as it sounds, she is always there for me. Even though many miles separate us. I love you and miss you, Mom!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Mother's Day!

these are the days

The love of a family is life's greatest blessing.

- anonymous

{This image and quote were on my Mary Engelbreit desk calendar last week. }

I fell in love with this picture. I imagine it could be me with Max and Ruby (minus her curls). You know I'd give my right arm for those polka dot boots. They are "so sara", right?

David and I used to listen to this Van Morrison song while rocking tiny newborn Max. I love it and when I heard it again today, it made me remember that these are the days that I will forever cherish. My goal/resolution/desire for 2009 is to SIMPLIFY. I love being busy, but I just want to make sure I'm busy with the right things. Like playing trains with Max and saying yes to Ruby's continuous playdough requests, even if it does mean cleaning it up 5x a day. For me, it means living in the present more, too. It's easy to spend time thinking and planning for the future, or reminiscing about the past. But I need to cherish the NOW.

"These are the days now that we must savor
And we must enjoy as we can
These are the days that will last forever
You've got to hold them in your heart."