I made this green meal for my family on Sunday after church. On St. Patrick's Day.
Then I read this blog post. I chuckled and nodded as I read, totally seeing how the holidays have gotten a little out of control. Especially the ones I never knew existed.
(The tone of the blog post is not lost on me - I realize it was meant to be funny and sarcastic. It just got me thinking)
But then later I started feeling guilty.
Yes, guilty. For doing something I find enjoyable and fun! I have been thinking more about it as I've seen bunches of friends sharing the link on facebook. Heaven knows we all feel enough mom guilt for things we fail to do, or can't do. Should I really be feeling guilty for something I do? Because maybe I go all out for a few holidays? If there are a handful of days (maybe six or seven?) where I can do something fun with my kids and feel like a fun mom, then I'm going for it. Most days, I'm lucky to even get a shower, or pee in privacy.
It would be nice if the moms around me would stop showering or putting on makeup, because they are making me look bad. Did you know there are moms who are dressed even in the morning for drop off?! The other day when Ruby came home from school and saw me in clothes, with shoes on even, she said "what are you all dressed up for?!"
Also, it would really help if they stopped taking their kids to Disneyland, because my kids want to go and
Spring Break is next week and I hope nobody at school tells my kids about their fun plans because guess what? We're not going anywhere or doing anything fun. In fact, I told Ruby that she could help me potty train Simon while she's home next week. Ha! Ruby's willing. Simon is not. We'll see how that goes.
Moms who cook awesome meals and take their kids to the park every day are also making me look bad! Please take your kids to McDonalds more often, just so I feel better about myself and so my kids will quit asking for so much.
Of course I am kidding.
There are plenty of things that other moms do, which I do not. And vice versa.
Do I exercise daily? No, but I am impressed by those who do. And I know I should.
Or make green smoothies? No, but I'm sure it's a good idea.
Do I homeschool my children? No, but I admire those who do it, and I am equally happy with the experience my kids are having at public school.
Or take my kids to the library weekly? No, but we make it a few times a year, maybe.
And should I feel guilty for not living up to the standards of other moms? No. Because there are also plenty of things that all of us are probably doing the same, and that's all that matters. Loving, teaching, playing, laughing, praying, worshiping, feeding, bathing, snuggling, and making memories. The details in each home will be a little different, but that's all they are: details. And I suppose a lot of the details that we worry about are not important.
Do I sometimes go overboard with holidays? Probably. Maybe because it's one of the few things that I actually can do. In the comfort of my own home, on a limited budget, and with a little help of Pinterest.
Is it necessary? Absolutely not. But is it fun and do my kids get a kick out of it? Yes.
I remembered on Saturday night that the next day was St. Patrick's Day. David was already stopping by the grocery store, so I texted him and asked him to get green grapes, juice boxes, and some green tortillas for chicken wraps. I already had the other stuff on hand (green beans, salad, sun chips). I had to make a meal for my family on Sunday anyway, so why not make it fun for one day out of the month? No biggie.
We have gone overboard with many silly holidays (Dr. Seuss Bday, 100 days of school, etc).
And a lot of the meaningful holidays, like Easter and Christmas are getting too commercial. But I'm not going to feel guilty about giving my kids Easter baskets or stockings, while also celebrating the religious meaning of the holidays. I believe there is room for both. And I don't really mind how other families choose to celebrate (or not at all).
Should other moms feel bad or "less than" because they didn't do a green meal? Of course not. Just as I shouldn't feel bad if I can't take my kids somewhere warm for Spring Break.
It is what it is. Some kids look forward to Disneyland or camping trips. Maybe the only things my kids can count on are a few fun holidays every year. Now it sounds like I'm looking for sympathy or something. I'm totally not. I'm just saying we need to appreciate the fact that every family is different.
Before we do away with pinterest and start hiding out in shame after making a holiday-themed dinner, let's just stand back and look at the big picture. It takes all types, right? I love being crafty and find an outlet in doing fun holiday stuff.
Other moms love running at the park with their kids or cooking.
I say just do what you love ... for those you love.
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14 comments:
Well said.
I'm jealous of your craftiness :0) and if I could get away with not showering daily or going to work in my PJs I would totally do it. Sadly I do not have that luxury.
I give this post two thumbs in desperate need of a manicure but can't afford cause my kids need clothes thumbs up :0)
BTW potty training a brother is learning valuable life skills that Rubys friends will be missing out on. Carter spent his spring break playing Wii at daycare so at least you are home with your munchkins.
I'm totally with ya girl! Different is good! :)
And should I feel guilty for not living up to the standards of other moms? No. Because there are also plenty of things that all of us are probably doing the same, and that's all that matters. Loving, teaching, playing, laughing, praying, worshiping, feeding, bathing, snuggling, and making memories. The details in each home will be a little different, but that's all they are: details. And I suppose a lot of the details that we worry about are not important.
^^^This paragraph. And also, hooray for not feeling guilty about the GOOD things we do!
Amen, sister. I was bugged by that blog post too.
I just read that blog post from that other girl and I think she just needs to be more confident in what she's doing as a mother (I'm sure she does so much good for her children). Nobody needs to feel threatened or guilty by the way other people celebrate their holidays. We had lucky charms for breakfast (I remembered them at the store on Saturday) and I hurried and gave the kids some green stickers to wear to church. That was it. There are other people who go all out and make holidays a big thing, and that is totally fine. I spend my time doing the things I want to do, and they spend their time doing things they want to do. My kids often say things like, "We never get to go anywhere fun... you never let us eat what we want... our house is so boring... everybody else gets to (insert fun thing here)." To all of that I say to them (maybe this is living in the 1200 sq ft apt for a year coming out), "We need to be grateful for the things we have. We are fortunate to have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, food to eat, and water to drink." And that's it. It might sound simple, but it's true. And it's not always easy, but living in the apartment really helped me not to compare myself to others so much and to remind my kids not to also.
But, by the way, I take inspiration from the crafty things that you do and that other people do. Most of the time I don't do them, but oftentimes it gives me the motivation to do something cute and fun - albeit much simpler than the version that inspired me. So keep having fun with holidays Sara - you're so good at making them fun for the whole family! :)
Well said, Sara. You made so many excellent points, and dispelled a little of my mom guilt that I can't do it all. I LOVE that Oscar Wilde quote you shared. So true! Thanks for sharing! :)
Bravo!!
The fact that we feel guilt about stuff like this is ridiculous. I'm guilty of being annoyed by others' (perceived) overdoing it, but I'm sure the list of traditions we observe as a family probably come across as overdoing it to others, too. But like you said, we do what we love (and what we're good at!) No sense in feeling guilty about doing good.
I read the original post and I have been thinking about it a lot. I don't think you should feel guilty for doing a green dinner. I don't think that she was aiming at your green dinner at all, or your crafty skills, or the things you love. I think it was pointed at turning every holiday into a big Christmas-like production, where some mythical creature comes and leaves presents and it has to be a big deal requires lots of effort. (As a side note, I think that the gift giving/decorating/party part of Christmas should happen only every other year. The amount of work and stress it creates is too much for something that has to happen on a yearly basis.)
I also think you nailed it on the head when you said, "do what you love." There are so many good things competing for our time. It is up to each mom to choose the things that are best for her family. Don't feel guilt about your green dinners, or anything else that you do that you love. And don't feel like you don't measure up, because the only person you need to measure up to is you.
You're doing a great job. But don't take my word for it. Judge by how your kids behave. I mean, Ruby wants to help potty train Simon? That, right there, is a sign that you're a pretty great mom.
xo -E
Sara, I'm so with you on this one! We're stilling living on a student's budget. (May can't come soon enough. Husband has been in school for WAY tooooo long.) We celebrate holidays. We usually do a "Gold Hunt" and an Irish dinner on St. Patty's. We go ALL out on Valentines. We have celebrates Dr. Suess's birthday in the past and occasionally celebrate a mundane holiday (National Waffle Day) for fun. It makes life fun for the kiddos. And although I liked the article you are referring to, I also believe that, if we have the extra energy, there is no problem with having fun with our kids. Holidays give us the excuse to do that.
PS...I hear you met my husband before I got to meet you! I'm jealous.
I hadn't read the referenced post till now and I just skimmed it, but with or without that post, your post is great. The most difficult thing for me about blogs is that when I see into other people's lives, I start comparing. My husband has reminded me several times not to compare myself. It really doesn't matter. And I think your message is so good and so true: everyone has their own way of doing things. And I believe everyone is trying their best. Great post.
-Steph
Not being a parent and reading her post, I think her bigger concern was less with other mothers and more with the school teaching the kids that this is what is done on the holidays. I'm quite sure other mothers were equally surprised by the leprechaun trap and hunting for coins. And I do think that how you celebrate holidays should be left up to the parents.
Except for her rant about birthday parties. Which is understandable, but I think more directed to the competitive parents than the majority of parents.
YES YES YES! I am always bothered by the backlash against people showing positive things they do in life or as a mother. And that article was funny but just left me saying "Have some confidence, Girl." You said it much nicer-- yes we all have different strengths and people need to buck up. I have seen a million things online that I think are awesome but that I'm not doing--I still think I'm the shiz. :)
Oh my goodness Sara. What a great post! As you know, I don't even do holidays, but I could totally relate to your thoughts. I think the vacation thing is one of the worst comparisons as parents. I think that those of us who cannot/don't do vacations for whatever reason feel like we have to make up for it in other ways. Whatever helps kids to grow up happy and loved is JUST FINE. Whether its a special meal, clothes & blankets made with love, playing at the gym daycare every day (guilty!), rad vacations (not guilty), or nothing but daily hugs & kisses & prayers ... we all just do our best! Thank you for expressing it so eloquently. xo
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