she wears her heart on her sleeve
Last night at dinner, we remembered that today was Ruby's 100th day of school. She was supposed to take 100 items to school. So she counted out some buttons from my big ol' box of random buttons. As we were brainstorming, we thought about cutting out a hundred paper hearts.
So that got me thinking, and naturally my mind went to fabric and applique (surprise, surprise). I said "what if we put one hundred hearts on a shirt?!" Ruby was excited about that idea. Luckily she had a few plain shirts in her drawer, so she ran and picked one out. Then I let her dig through my fabric and pick out all her favorites while I got to tracing all the little hearts.
We did a few large hearts, but most of them were the smaller ones, about 1" and 2" (patterns cut out from a cereal box). I used no-sew Heat-n-Bond Ultra Hold. There was no way I'd have the time (or sanity) to sew around one hundred little hearts! But we can still wash the shirt. I've used the no-sew Heat-n-bond before and it works great. The process is basically what I show in my polka dot shirt tutorial.
We only got a few hearts cut out before it was bedtime for Ruby. She knew I'd stay up to finish it, though. She is used to my crazy crafting ways. I am used to cutting a lot of appliques, though, so it went pretty quickly. There are no fabric repeats in the shirt!
When I started ironing the hearts on the shirt, it was looking pretty crazy. I thought, oh no what have I done?! But you can't just stop with 50 or 60 hearts when it's for the 100th day of school! So I pressed forward, unsure of how it would turn out. When I finished the shirt at 2 am, I snapped a picture and just prayed that Ruby would actually want to wear it to school. I'll admit I was pretty out of it this morning when she got up and got ready for school (thank goodness for dad who got them out the door since I stayed up too late making the shirt). She came to my bed and tapped me on the shoulder and said "thanks for the cute shirt, mom!" I gave her a groggy kiss and she was on her way.
heart vomit!
I think part of me wanted to make the heart shirt for her because she was so excited about it. And I know deep in my heart that she won't always want to wear the silly things I make. She's still young and innocent. And oblivious to what's "in style." I asked her if she told her friends why there were a hundred hearts on her shirt and she casually said, "nah." Looked at me like, why would I, mom? She said only her teacher asked about it. Which is fine, of course. I just love that she didn't care if anyone commented or asked about it.
When I posted these photos on facebook last night, I had several friends comment things like "mom of the year!" or "you make the rest of us look bad" or "you're the best mom!" and it really got me thinking.
For one thing, I don't want anyone thinking that I'm doing it to show off, or solicit such comments. And more importantly, it makes me think, "does this really make me a good mom?" No. In fact, I often worry that I'm not doing enough. I know all mothers do. We are hardest on ourselves, right? I think I would be a better mom if I spent less time sewing and more time reading to my kids or playing with them. I need to be more patient and yell less.
I am constantly trying to foresee what my kids will remember when they look back on their childhood. Will they remember a yelling mom? Or a mom who was always stressed? Or was I always sitting at the sewing machine? (That's a tough one because much of the sewing I do is just to bring in some money to keep our family afloat). Will they appreciate the time I spent sewing them things, or will they just wish I had played more with them? Do I listen to them enough? Do I tell them I love them enough? Do I feed them enough? Do I teach them enough? Do I hug them/kiss them/hold them/look at them enough? These are the thoughts running through my head all the time. Its easy to feel I'm not doing enough.
Do all moms (parents) wonder if their crappy parenting might ruin their kids? Do you get to the end of some days and wonder if you got anything right? (please bless that they remember the laughter and not the yelling) I feel so clueless sometimes and wonder how it will all turn out. How my kids will turn out.
Much like the crazy 100-heart shirt I made for Ruby.
Once I started, there was no turning back. I'll admit, it looked pretty messy and I didn't even like it as it was coming together. I was sorta worried that it would look ridiculous. Even when I finished, it still looked pretty crazy. But in the end, Ruby loved it and that was all that mattered. Heaven knows there are many days where I wonder, "how in the world am I the mom? I have no idea what I'm doing." But these kids are definitely non-returnable. I've looked into it. Just kidding.
maybe.
But we all just press forward, doing the best we can for our kids. Not because anyone is trying to be "the best" or "mom of the year", but because we all feel the same deep and overwhelming love for our kids. And in the end, even when we look back on our messy life with all the crazy stuff in there, we will love it. And we will see, just like the hearts smashed on the shirt, everything came together just fine.
It all makes me think of this quote I heard once:
Oh how true. Now my heart is split into four pieces, beating outside my body. Am I mom of the year? Or super mom? Nah. Am I doing my best? I hope so.
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11 comments:
I love this post. Really. It feels like the same world I am in. It is so sweet that your daughter did not say anything to her friends -- she was just smothered in your love all day long!
Miss S, we all feel that way. What we do is never enough. I worry about them remembering me always stressed, screaming, or on the computer or phone. We need to build each other up, tell our kids we love them as much as we can, and hopefully when they become parents they will understand. Love that you made this for Miss Ruby. :) Love that she thinks you are the best Mom in the world. and I am with you on the "When did I become the MOM?" :)
My youngest and I still feel the pain of the "oh no tomorrow I have to do the 100 things" I used to get so mad because we all forgot! Of course I was never as creative as you - at least I don't think so . I just remember the panic, not the actual projects. LOL
I completely understand your worries. I often think of these things and I only have one kid...and he's not even a year old yet. I cannot imagine how you divide your time!
It's when you DON'T think you suck as a parent that you need to worry. ;)
Love ya lady, and I LOVE that shirt, Beans would think it was the greatest shirt ever.
I just spent the second half of that post saying to myself, "me too..." And it's been one of the most trying weeks of parenthood for me - one where I'm sick, they're sick, not napping, cranky, rude, difficult. And I feel like my patience just won't spread far enough to cover all the need. And that I'm doing everything wrong... Thanks for making me feel I'm not alone in this most challenging, but most rewarding, of life callings! Hugs!
I LOVE this post! I knew you weren't showing off with the shirt. It just reminded me of all the times my mom stayed up soooo late at night finishing some project for me. I knew she loved me.
I wonder the same things about my parenting. Thanks for this wonderful post!
And that shirt is adorable!
I heart this post! (Sorry I couldn't resist) just the other day I told a friend that I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder how I got to be 35 with 2 kids, I mean who ever thought that was a good idea?! Like you I ask myself several times if I do enough, your not alone.
The shirt turned out super cute! I also have thought a ton about how what I do will effect my children in the future. Every child has such a different personality and different emotional needs. It seems impossible and overwhelming to fill those needs perfectly. I think back on my childhood a lot to determine what I would have liked to be different. I've come to the conclusion that we as parents/families are definitely going to do things to our kids, unintentionally mostly, that hurt them, that offend, that don't fill an emotional need. We're going to give them some bad memories and some scars and they won't come out of childhood unscathed. But, I will ALWAYS tell them I am sorry (I do daily) and that I messed up and that I need to work on doing better. I will always try to mend the hurts that I create or fill the void of not being there one-on-one enough. I will always try to talk and communicate in an open way and value their feelings and point of view even if I don't agree. I won't ever think my way is the best or the only way. I'll be open minded enough to enjoy learning from them. I'll always let each child know that I know it's hard being in a large family and not getting all the attention that you need, but that me and dad are always there for them and will always be their support and cheerleader, even though we're so far from perfect and will mess up more times than we can count. (I guess that's the stuff I wished from my own parents. Mistakes are okay. But not admitting them, not apologizing, and not being emotionally available and validating is hard on a kid). So yeah, some days I tell them to go read on their own and some days I yell cuz they spilled a smoothie for the 12th time and I'm losing my mind, and some days I say "mommy is so frustrated and out of patience and it's only 8 am!!", but I will always later say "i am sorry", and "i am working on doing better", and "I love you, let's read together tomorrow." That's all I ever wanted from my parents -- to recognize where you fall short, to apologize, to be open to the needs of your child, and to try and do better when they ask for something. To LISTEN to what the child is saying...and not saying. Grace and charity cover the rest, but it only works if you're doing the above.
This is a great post and I love that 100 hearts t-shirt!
Such a beautiful post!!! It is always so nice to hear that other moms feel the same way I do!!
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